20 PENTECOST

May my words and my thoughts be acceptable to you, O Lord, my refuge and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

SEASON: 20 PENTECOST
PROPER: 22B
PLACE: ST. JOHN’S PARISH
DATE: OCT. 2, 1997

TEXT: Mark 10:2-9 - Jesus speaks on Divorce and Marriage - “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”


ISSUE: Marriages in Jesus time were arranged. They brought together whole families. To divorce created a situation of shame that often led to feuding and bloodshed. Yet Mosaic law permitted it. Jesus refers to a more basic appreciation that God calls men and women to be joined in lasting faithfulness. He recalls the time before the fall, how unity of love was meant to be. It is this principle that Jesus recalls for us and upon which we are to base our relationships, as opposed to man made rules. We need to reclaim God’s way of being faithful and committed in our relationships.
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Considerable time and energy has been given to the discussion of human sexuality by both the Diocesan and National Conventions of the Episcopal Church over the past several years. The main issue seems to center around whether or not gay and lesbian sexuality is to be considered appropriate moral behavior for Christians. Additional discussion centers around whether or not the church should provide some kind of liturgical service for the blessing of homosexual unions, and whether or not practicing homosexuals may be ordained. Within the church there are passionate feelings from all sides. And sometimes the emotional heat of the debate seems to threaten the very life of the church itself. I am hopeful, and I earnestly pray, that God’s Holy Spirit coupled with good sense and reason will lead the church to discern what is the best for all concerned. May we live together in unity and carry on the debate in respect and love.

What’s really terrifying us?
There is another issue that I think is just as important that is not getting the attention, discussion, and energy that it deserves. And sometimes I wonder if all the commotion over the homosexual issues may not be a cover-up and a distraction from the issue that is really terrifying us, failing heterosexual marriages and dysfunctional families. Sometimes when people are not able to deal comfortably with problems at home, it is easier and more comfortable to solve someone else’s problems and pass judgments that really have little or no relevance to their own lives. I would venture to say that for most parishes, like our own, failing marriages is truly alarming. The support of Christian marriage and family life is desperately needed.

Families today seem to be under enormous pressure. Both parents feel they must work to meet financial needs. They assume the pressure of having to provide the very best for their children from education to the social - athletic programs. At the same time, the rank individualism of our time makes its demand. Each of us is expected to be true to ourselves becoming outstanding in career and talents. We are to pursue what is meaningful for our personal development. What’s the popular expression?. . . “We have to find ourselves.” Building a healthy spiritual family life and working together for the glory of God are not exactly the top priorities of our time. Extreme pressures may give way to the need for relief. That relief for many people today is often found in recreational drugs, acting-out through inappropriate behavior, and especially alcohol abuse. Drinking is more destructive than most are willing to admit. It is an insidious plague in our culture and in many families it is kept well hidden. In quiet suffering, the family is being destroyed without seeking help. People struggle to keep up appearances, be ambitious, desperately try to be constantly achieving, and keep up with affluent demands. These pressures and expectations are heavy burdens to bear for any two people trying to raise a family and keep a marriage together. We are under the self-imposed pressure of very high expectations. We expect too much of ourselves and of our spouses. We expect ourselves to be like the glamorous gods of popular magazines and the culture. We forget that what is in the culture and in magazines is often contrived material beyond the capability of people living day to day.

To say that families are under a lot of pressure is at best a kind of psychological explanation for why so many families are troubled. The complexities are enormous and there is hardly just one reason why marriages fail. From a theological point of view we are all sinners. God calls upon us to be obedient, faithful, loyal, and trusting. We are inclined to be disobedient, unfaithful, non-committal, and trust only in our own failing fragile nature. We are enchanted by the ways and demands of the world, but they court disaster. Yet Christ came among us to call us back. Through him we are made well aware of our fallen nature and at the same time are called to a renewing embrace of God’s values. We are taught to love, serve, forgive, and be patient with one another. We are reminded that what counts is not what we possess materially, but what kind of loving faithful people we are. Jesus’ life and ministry modeled the importance of community, a group of men and women working together to open the gates to the kingdom of love. He called them into humble servanthood. Even when they failed they were not beyond his loving grace. Sacramentally, marriage is to be the sign of God’s love for his creation. Reclaiming the genuine need for and centrality of God in our family lives is essential.

In Jesus’ time the Pharisees came to him questioning him about whether or not it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Keep in mind the Pharisees were usually up to no-good when they questioned Jesus. They tried to trap him into a situation of losing his honor and place among the people. The question of divorce was a hot political issue as well. King Herod Antipas was divorced and remarried to his brother’s wife. John the Baptist had criticized the relationship and was beheaded. The law of Moses permitted divorce, Dt. 24:1. Possibly Jesus would dishonor himself through rejecting Mosaic Law, or create a political problem with Herod. The question was a tricky one.

It is also important to understand that while divorce in Jesus’ time was permissible, it also could have significant consequences. Marriages, unlike ours, were arranged marriages. They were an arrangement made for the good of the whole family and community. As a child you did not pick your parents. You didn’t get to pick you children. They were a gift from God. Why would you think that you would pick your wife. Marriage arrangements were for the good of the community. Divorce dishonored your wife’s father and brothers. People who were shamed would try to reclaim their honor. Thus, divorce in Jesus’ time often led to feuding and bloodshed. Thus, Jesus says, because you people are hardhearted, not teachable, so hard to get through to, that Moses allowed this rule. But let’s go back to the very beginning. God created man and woman to be one with one another, to be mutual help-mates. God joined them, and what God wills is what is important. What God joins, let us not separate. Jesus is going back to the garden before the fall. He reminds and gives a renewed image of what human life is to be. Unity with one another. Working together, being committed to one another was the original norm. It is when we reclaim what God wants that there is unity and peace in the community. Make no mistake, Jesus was attempting to rebuild the the new Kingdom of God founded upon God’s will and love. God is central. What God joins together, man must not separate.

Fact of the matter is that we are all separated frequently from what it is that God wants, and that is sin. Husbands and wives separate. Children separate from parents and vice versa. The behavior of some men today who separate themselves from their children and wives, and who refuse to pay child support and condouct themselves honorably as husbands and fathers is really unconscionable. Many people separate themselves from serving the good of the community to an inordinate concern for their own personal selfish needs. We desperately need healing and hope. Jesus’s turning the minds of the pharisees all the way back to the story of Genesis is turning their thoughts back to God himself. Before our own needs to be so self-centered we need to ask is what we are doing of God, or in separation from godliness.

.Creating a supportive community with God’s help.
As a parish community, I hope that we will listen to one another, support one another, share our common concerns, our successes and our failures with one another. May we pray and worship together seeking God’s help in strengthening family life and marriage. As spouses, I hope we will renew those commitments we made on our wedding day and vow to uphold them with God’s help. Next time you have the Prayer Book in hand review the Marriage Service, p. 423. As divorced persons we remember that God is forgiving and can make all things new raising up that which is fallen. Any parish church worth its salt will welcome you, love you, and share your pain. We are all fallen and need the community support and raising-up that comes from the family of God.

May we not allow ourselves to become so distracted and impassioned by the gay-lesbian issues and over many other issues over which we have little control that we become blinded in our rage to the need for our own renewed commitment to establishing healthier Christian marriages and family life, and for our own need to be aware of our owns sins and separations from God. God created us to be his family and not to allow ourselves to become separated from what God joined together. We are all apart of God’s community and we are not called to feuding and bloodshed and all that that implies. We are called upon in our place in life to participate in the family of God with all of its intricacies and complexities to the best of our abilities with God’s help.